im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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