woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize