I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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