i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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