so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
