epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
only you would photoshop your dick
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
