I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
