I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
