You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
