so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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