My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
