so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
