so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize