kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
