I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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