Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
