Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
