i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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