dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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