Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
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I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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