Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she peed on how many people?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
