i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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