I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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