Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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