Tell her she can't have a vagina
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My hand turned me down
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
