if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
