I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
