shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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