you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
