Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
