So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
