I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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