By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
