I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
