I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
