Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
