we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..