i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat