i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt