I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
