I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
