Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.