i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
