You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
