so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i think im in europe. pls send help
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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