theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
