i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
