My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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