He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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