I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
