New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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