He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
