You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
