New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize