Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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