Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Even my vagina gasped.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't put those talents on a resume
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
