so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
COCAINE IS GR8
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
