You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
