Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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