I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
