She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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