I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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