You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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