It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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